If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLYIf you give people a chance, they shine.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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I don’t think I’ve ever died on stage. I’ve had jokes that died on stage. I’ve told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn’t know it was the end of the joke.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
BILLY CONNOLLY