If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLYIf you give people a chance, they shine.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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The more you know the less the better.
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Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back, your life changes every day.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
BILLY CONNOLLY