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1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.

Billy Connolly

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  For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.

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  Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.

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  The more you know the less the better.

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  My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

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  The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.

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  Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.

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  Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!

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  If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

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  I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.

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  I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.

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  Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.

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  I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.

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  People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.

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  I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.

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