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1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.

Billy Connolly

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More Billy Connolly Quotes

• 

  A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.

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• 

  I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.

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• 

  Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!

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• 

  When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.

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• 

  Try to live in a place you like.

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• 

  I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.

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• 

  Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”

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• 

  I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.

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• 

  I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.

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• 

  Don’t vote, it only encourages them.

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• 

  I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.

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• 

  I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.

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• 

  Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.

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• 

  I don’t think I’ve ever died on stage. I’ve had jokes that died on stage. I’ve told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn’t know it was the end of the joke.

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• 

  There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.

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• 

  Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?

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