There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
BILLY CONNOLLYDon’t work out, work in.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back, your life changes every day.
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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If you give people a chance, they shine.
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There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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I don’t aim to offend.
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I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
BILLY CONNOLLY







