I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
BILLY CONNOLLYI am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back, your life changes every day.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
BILLY CONNOLLY