I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, “Did you fall?” He said, “No, I’m tryin’ to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.”
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
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