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Hobbes: Do you think there’s a God? Calvin: Well, somebody’s out to get me!

Bill Watterson

Now if a joke is in bad taste or it’s not funny, okay, that’s awhole different thing, but how you craft a joke is really what the writer’s job is, and I don’t think that technique should be subject to any editorial constraints.
BILL WATTERSON

Craft Different Editorial Joke Taste Technique
Sleepwalking?” “Nightmare?” “Homicidal psycho jungle cat!
BILL WATTERSON

Cat Nightmare Psycho
I don’t know how to spell it and I’m not allowed to say it. Could you just rattle off all the swear words you know and I’ll stop you when…Hello?
BILL WATTERSON

Allowed Hello Rattle Say Stop Swear Words
A box of new crayons! Now they’re all pointy, lined up in order, bright and perfect. Soon they’ll be a bunch of ground down, rounded, indistinguishable stumps, missing their wrappers and smudged with other colors. Sometimes life seems unbearably tragic.
BILL WATTERSON

Color Crayon Order Perfect Pointy
I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.
BILL WATTERSON

Liked Thing Understand
You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.
BILL WATTERSON

Congratulation Cynically Expect Manipulate Nothing Taught
Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?
BILL WATTERSON

Dad Morning Three
Form follows function, as the architects say. With words and pictures, you can do just about anything.
BILL WATTERSON

Architect Form Function
It’s a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it’s light out.
BILL WATTERSON

Light Sleep Summer
The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
BILL WATTERSON

Funny Future Humorous
I would turn out rough idea after rough idea, and he would veto eighty percent of them. I pretty much prostituted myself for six months but I couldn’t please him, so he sent me packing.
BILL WATTERSON

Idea Packing Percent Prostituted
[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble] Calvin: Ha! I’ve got a great word and it’s on a “Double word score” box! Hobbes: “ZQFMGB” isn’t a word! It doesn’t even have a vowel! Calvin: It is so a word! It’s a worm found in New Guinea!
BILL WATTERSON

Looks Scrabble Vowels
It’s going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn’t know anything but what it’s seen on TV.
BILL WATTERSON

Generation Running World
I’m related to people I don’t relate to.
BILL WATTERSON

People Relate Related
Barney’s Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a plan when his dad said “Eat your peas.” Barney shouted no and ran Barney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellar Barney’s Mom never found out where he’d gone, Cause Barney didn’t tell her. T
BILL WATTERSON

Dad Mom Peas Plan Sorry
A day can really slip by when you’re deliberately avoiding what you’re supposed to do.
BILL WATTERSON

Avoiding Hobbies Slips

Hobbes: Do you think there’s a God? Calvin: Well, somebody’s out to get me!

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Hobbes: Do you think there’s a God? Calvin: Well, somebody’s out to get me!

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