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I don’t think you’ve ever invited me to… Calvin’s Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin’s Mom: You’re contagious! You can’t have anyone over to play!

Bill Watterson

History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That’s why events are always reinterpreted when values change.
BILL WATTERSON

Direction Events Knowable Order Prejudice
Raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you’re old and weak… Am I scary, or what?
BILL WATTERSON

Avenue Cynical Hollywood Poised Raised Scary
Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.
BILL WATTERSON

Acid Failing Tests
I knew you’d win! Oh! Oh! Aarg! [Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming “Aaaaaaaaaaaa”, then falls over.] Hobbes: Look, it’s just a game. Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!
BILL WATTERSON

Around Circle Hobbies Know Screaming
I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.
BILL WATTERSON

Children Mom Motivational
What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn’t want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you’d cheat!
BILL WATTERSON

Cheat Game Idiotic Lose Play Sneaky Some Undermanned
Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?
BILL WATTERSON

Dad Morning Three
If you can’t win by reason, go for volume.
BILL WATTERSON

Reason Volume Winning
I wonder where we go when we die?” “…Pittsburgh?” “You mean if we’re good or if we’re bad?
BILL WATTERSON

Mean Wonder
Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
BILL WATTERSON

Ignorance Learning Waste
Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I’m looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I’ll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js! Hobbes: What’s your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957.
BILL WATTERSON

Everyone Knows Letter Played Score Word
Boy, there’s nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.
BILL WATTERSON

Boys Inscrutable Omen
I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.
BILL WATTERSON

Dark Imagine Thinking
Now if a joke is in bad taste or it’s not funny, okay, that’s awhole different thing, but how you craft a joke is really what the writer’s job is, and I don’t think that technique should be subject to any editorial constraints.
BILL WATTERSON

Craft Different Editorial Joke Taste Technique
I try to make everyone’s day a little more surreal.
BILL WATTERSON

Little Surreal Trying
Calvin: Sometimes when I’m talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we can think faster than we speak? Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.
BILL WATTERSON

Speaking Talking Thinking

I don’t think you’ve ever invited me to… Calvin’s Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin’s Mom: You’re contagious! You can’t have anyone over to play!

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I don’t think you’ve ever invited me to… Calvin’s Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin’s Mom: You’re contagious! You can’t have anyone over to play!

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Watterson Quotes