black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.

Bill Maher

If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
BILL MAHER

Believe Death Egg Goodness War
When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
BILL MAHER

Office People Silence Talk
You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
BILL MAHER

Himself Missing Money Negotiation Yourself
One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
BILL MAHER

Advantage Atheist Time Yourself
Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
BILL MAHER

Easy Hairs Herself Home Sex Woman World
Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
BILL MAHER

God Man Quit Suicide Way Yourself
That’s what’s so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
BILL MAHER

Connection Greatness Internet Network
The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
BILL MAHER

Animal Dog Home Love Myself Reason World
What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
BILL MAHER

Conservative Illegal Myself Serious Sexuality Work
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
BILL MAHER

God Man Myself Need Religion
The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
BILL MAHER

Death Fact Kind Live Man Plain Religion
Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
BILL MAHER

Call Celebration Fake Fools Ourselves People
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
BILL MAHER

Himself Name Obvious
Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
BILL MAHER

Injustice Tolerance Yourself
Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
BILL MAHER

Build Fly People Plane Progress Religion Stop Thinking
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
BILL MAHER

Boy Embrace History Ideas Low Slow Technology

Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Maher Quotes