In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
BILL MAHERSex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
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If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
BILL MAHER -
It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
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Funny that all of Nixon’s crimes – anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars – are all legal now. Discuss.
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
BILL MAHER -
Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
BILL MAHER -
If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
BILL MAHER -
Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
BILL MAHER -
There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
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Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
BILL MAHER -
You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
BILL MAHER






