In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
BILL MAHERSex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
BILL MAHER -
God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
BILL MAHER -
Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
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In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
BILL MAHER -
In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
BILL MAHER -
False hope really makes you cynical.
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Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
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The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
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We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
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I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
BILL MAHER