I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself – to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.
BILL HICKSLet’s do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who’ve seen me before might know that.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.
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I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you’ll find in this world.
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I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin’ [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] ‘good evening everybody, remember me, smoking’s bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww.
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
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And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, “This is my creation, perfect in every way… oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they’ll think I want them to smoke it… Now I have to create Republicans.”
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Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health-nut dude. The plot thickens.
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But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It’s no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.
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What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
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That’s why I always recommend a psychedelic experience because it makes you realize that all you’ve learned is in fact just learned and not necessarily the truth.
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Why is pot against the law? It wouldn’t be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can’t make a profit off it, would it?
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So, it’s good to be here, wherever I am.
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May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?
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My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.
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If I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews.
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Music is a great energizer. It’s a language everybody knows.
BILL HICKS