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I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.

Bill Hicks

BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.
BILL HICKS

Book Phones Stupidity
Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts…Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
BILL HICKS

Artistic Causes Commercial Sound
I’ve learned a lot about women. I think I’ve learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we’ll never age.
BILL HICKS

Dream Exactly Fall Learned Men Women
At least he f-kin’ jams! If it’s a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the f-kin’ Block … I’m gonna be surfin’ on the lake of fire, rockin’ out.
BILL HICKS

Block Eternal Kids Least Out Rocking
Good comedy helps people know they’re not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.
BILL HICKS

Answers Helping People
Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren’t partyin’.
BILL HICKS

Men Ringo Tunes
[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is…thinking, ‘This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.’
BILL HICKS

Bullshit Comedy Thinking
Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
BILL HICKS

Rocks Thinking World
I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Soul
I’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Sorry
Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes–are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!
BILL HICKS

Children Rocks Stars
I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, ‘What’s wrong?’ Nothing. ‘Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.’ Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
BILL HICKS

Alone Funny Humor Knowledge People
I’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Two
I…am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light…in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.
BILL HICKS

Light Middlemen Mind Source
Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.
BILL HICKS

Jesus Stories Today
They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.
BILL HICKS

Comedian Good Life Smoking

I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.

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I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.

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