black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.

Bill Hicks

The economy that’s fake anyway! Ha ha ha! Which would be a real bummer. You know. You can see why the government’s cracking down… on the idea of experiencing unconditional love, ah.
BILL HICKS

Cracking Experience Government
I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin’ [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] ‘good evening everybody, remember me, smoking’s bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww.
BILL HICKS

Mechanical Smoking Thinking Years
not all drugs are good.. some of them are great
BILL HICKS

Drug Good Great Some
What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
BILL HICKS

Esteem Feeling Better Self War
I go to dance clubs…about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going ‘God, what idiots!’
BILL HICKS

Apartment Clubs Idiots Years
If I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews.
BILL HICKS

Agnostic Atheism Atheist
I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, ‘What’s wrong?’ Nothing. ‘Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.’ Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
BILL HICKS

Alone Funny Humor Knowledge People
Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that’s why you giggle the first hour.
BILL HICKS

Cow Mushroom Thinking
What does an atheist scream when they come?
BILL HICKS

Atheist Come Scream
People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn’t have, seeing as it’s being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.
BILL HICKS

Bemusement Country People Running
God has this…hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality.
BILL HICKS

Hobbies Perfect Reality
Isn’t that weird, we’ve made nature against the law. That’s how un-natural we’ve become.
BILL HICKS

Law Made Natural
May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?
BILL HICKS

Day Glasses Perhaps Water
You’re not a human till you’re in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.
BILL HICKS

Book Phones Political
What before seemed a…frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.
BILL HICKS

Comic Steps Wall
I’ve had seven balls of light come off a UFO…explain to me telepathically we are all one and there’s no such thing as death.
BILL HICKS

Balls Light Seven

It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Hicks Quotes