Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
BILL HICKSIf I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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I love talking about Kennedy assassination…a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government…sorry, wrong meeting.
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I’m totally confused about what I’m going to do with my life.
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In Australia…they celebrate Easter the same…by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit…left chocolate eggs in the night
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People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn’t have, seeing as it’s being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.
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In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth… see you at the final.
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Humanity is just a virus with shoes.
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How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? …Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
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What before seemed a…frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.
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We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
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It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.
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Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
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See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you’ve got the money!
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Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I’ll prove it to you. You’re at a ball game or a concert, and someone’s really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?
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Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.
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I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
BILL HICKS







