At least he f-kin’ jams! If it’s a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the f-kin’ Block … I’m gonna be surfin’ on the lake of fire, rockin’ out.
BILL HICKSI ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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What’s gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we’re all one. Ha ha ha ha ha! It’s gonna fuck up the economy!
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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
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The economy that’s fake anyway! Ha ha ha! Which would be a real bummer. You know. You can see why the government’s cracking down… on the idea of experiencing unconditional love, ah.
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
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We’ll see who believes in me now. I am the Prankster God – I am killing me!
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I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.
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People always snap and think they’re Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they’re Buddha?
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Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.
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Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.
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How would you like to get inside that guy’s mind and look around for a hour? That guy sees opportunity at every glance, doesn’t he?
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I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine!
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We are losing the ‘War on Drugs,’ which means there’s a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.
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I saw…a kid on a leash. You seen these people? Kid on a leash? How horrible. Put him in the pound where he belongs.
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Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
BILL HICKS