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I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.

Bill Hicks

I was a weekend drinker…I’d start on Saturday, end on Friday…thought I was controlling it…but I don’t drink any more.
BILL HICKS

Drink Friday Weekend
I was in Australia….Lotta leg room down under. Apartments: dollar a month. 2000-acre den….think of the parties.
BILL HICKS

Australia Party Thinking
I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching.
BILL HICKS

Country Light Thinking
I’ve had seven balls of light come off a UFO…explain to me telepathically we are all one and there’s no such thing as death.
BILL HICKS

Balls Light Seven
I believe that the Bible is the literal word of God. And I say no, it’s not, Dad. Well, I believe that it is. Well, you know, some people believe they’re Napoleon. That’s fine. Beliefs are neat. Cherish them, but don’t share them like they’re the truth.
BILL HICKS

Believe Bible Dad God People
Marijuana grows naturally…Don’t you think making nature against the law seems a bit, I don’t know, unnatural?
BILL HICKS

Law Marijuana Thinking
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.
BILL HICKS

Law Marijuana Mistakes Positivity
As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
BILL HICKS

Long People Responsibility
Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day.” Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
BILL HICKS

Belief Funny God Humor Rush
I don’t care if you’re obscene, filthy, horrendous — as long as you’re honest.
BILL HICKS

Caring Honest Long
This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions.
BILL HICKS

Heart Illusion Lying Reality
You are the imagination of yourself.
BILL HICKS

Imagination Imagine Yourself
If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.
BILL HICKS

Behind Day One Tomorrow
The war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney, its so obviously phoney, ok? It’s a war against our civil rights, that’s all it is. They’re using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get suspending our rights one by one.
BILL HICKS

Afraid Home Night Suspending War
I am a misanthropic humanist… Do I like people? They’re great, IN THEORY.
BILL HICKS

Misanthropic People Theory
It’s an insane world, and I’m proud to be a part of it.
BILL HICKS

Insane Part Proud World

I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.

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I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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