I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That’s faith in action folks! You know he’s got God on his side.
BILL HICKSSometimes my dad even gets on this kick–‘You hate this country’….I have to tell him…I just hate being lied to.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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People say to me, Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves. Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
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Humanity is just a virus with shoes.
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They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.
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You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day”. Yeah, looks like He rushed it
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I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I’m fascinated by it. I’m fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that’s interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy.
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Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
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Why is pot against the law? It wouldn’t be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can’t make a profit off it, would it?
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What’s gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we’re all one. Ha ha ha ha ha! It’s gonna fuck up the economy!
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I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
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I go to dance clubs…about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going ‘God, what idiots!’
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Supreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts, that’s their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmm… Sounds like… every commercial on television, doesn’t it?
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We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
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Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America… you are free to do as we tell you… you are free to do as we tell you.
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See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you’ve got the money!
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I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day.
BILL HICKS







