And isn’t that weird? Think about this, when you’re born, you nurse on your mama.
BILL ENGVALLYou could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you’d say “My Bad!”.
More Bill Engvall Quotes
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I’d love to be a woman for one day of my life… God… I would be drunk with power.
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Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.
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In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.
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Ladies, you wake up tomorrow and the newspaper reads Scientists have discovered a way for men to experience childbirth. That would be awesome.
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My buddy says to me you think he’s been hunting? Nope, They’re probably giving them away with the purchase of every jeep. Here’s your sign!
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You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don’t know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
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Just when I think the human race has been lost to the “what about me” people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.
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I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say ‘I’m Stupid.’ That way you wouldn’t rely on them, and you wouldn’t ask them for nothing.
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I was sitting on a plane that is traveling towards Seattle. And the guy next to me turns and says to me Hey, you going to Seattle?. Nope, San Francisco… I’ll be parachuting off in about an hour. Here’s your sign!
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I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.
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I believe that the way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach. It’s a little further south.
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My wife, trying to be helpful, goes to the grocery store and buys this stuff called soy bacon. Let me tell you something: I know soy beans are good for a lot of things.
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To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop.
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I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, “Dude, shut up.” She hadn’t walked two feet behind us and he goes “God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?” And all I could say was “Yeah, I did!”
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I’ve never read a kayak manual, but I’m pretty sure page one says ‘Use in water.’
BILL ENGVALL