It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
BILL BAILEYThere we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
BILL BAILEY