Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
BILL BAILEYThere we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
BILL BAILEY