Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
BILL BAILEYTelevision is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
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I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
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This shed does not contain me.
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
BILL BAILEY