I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
BILL BAILEYI am a confectionery-based existentialist.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
BILL BAILEY