You’re mugging old ladies every bit as much if you pinch their pension fund
BEN ELTONI see dull people as projects … to be reformed
More Ben Elton Quotes
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Kingsley watched her disappear from the room, wondering if his heart would break. Logic informed him that of course it would not. The heart was no more than a muscle, a pump which distributed blood about the body.
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I don’t know what people who I’ve never met think about me. Some have written horrible things, some have written nice things – but I’m proud of the fact I’ve remained close to everyone I’ve ever worked with.
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I’m lucky because the strongest emotion I have ever felt is being in love, and that definitely informs my writing.
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I think it is very difficult to legislate for morality.
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For the past seventeen years I have been experimenting with lager. I am a lager user and one drug leads to another. If you do lager, as night follows day, you’ll end up doing Kentucky Fried Chicken.
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If only the strength of the love that people feel when it is reciprocated could be as intense and obsessive as the love we feel when it is not; then marriages would be truly made in heaven.
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If I did things for the money, I’d have done adverts in the 1980s, when I was hot enough to be offered them, and ‘Police Academy 6,’ which I was asked to write.
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I’m easy to work with, not a pushover, but I respond to criticism and find it inspiring.
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Comedy will always be central to what I do, it’s just an instinct for me, but I am a writer and always have been.
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You think I look like a teletubby?
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Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.
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I think trying to be cool is the worst possible ambition – and I have never suffered from it.
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Leaders should never, ever try to look cool – that’s for dictators
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And roast beef and Yorkshire pudding is my personal signature dish.
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People who get through life dependent on other people’s possessions are always the first to lecture you on how little possessions count.
BEN ELTON