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I think trying to be cool is the worst possible ambition – and I have never suffered from it.

Ben Elton

Kingsley watched her disappear from the room, wondering if his heart would break. Logic informed him that of course it would not. The heart was no more than a muscle, a pump which distributed blood about the body.
BEN ELTON

Blood Heart Men
I try hard not to preach, but I get carried away, which is a mistake, but it’s a risk worth running.
BEN ELTON

Mistake Risk Running
For the past seventeen years I have been experimenting with lager. I am a lager user and one drug leads to another. If you do lager, as night follows day, you’ll end up doing Kentucky Fried Chicken.
BEN ELTON

Night Past
This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.
BEN ELTON

Psychology Special Violence
No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi.
BEN ELTON

Natural People Waiting
Beyond love, beyond unrequited love, perhaps even beyond any other passion known to humanity, deep, deep in the depths of the turgid, clinging, swamplike pit of despair that lies dormant within every soul, lurks JEALOUSY.
BEN ELTON

Jealous Love Lying Unrequited
And of course to hunt down sedition. Only paper is safe. Books are the key. A book cannot be accessed from afar, you have to hold it, you have to read it.
BEN ELTON

Book Key Lecture Paper Read
I see dull people as projects … to be reformed
BEN ELTON

Dull People Project
Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.
BEN ELTON

Feelings Opposite Sympathy
Yes, OK, farty is a silly word. I wish I’d never used it. I’m 34. Perhaps it was a word for my 20s.
BEN ELTON

Silly Stupid Wish
People who get through life dependent on other people’s possessions are always the first to lecture you on how little possessions count.
BEN ELTON

First Little People
I’m easy to work with, not a pushover, but I respond to criticism and find it inspiring.
BEN ELTON

Criticism Easy Inspiring
The worst thing about being a great power is when you’re not one any more. It takes centuries to get over it.
BEN ELTON

Century Over Worst
You’re mugging old ladies every bit as much if you pinch their pension fund
BEN ELTON

Fund Lady Old Pension
There are lots of things I could have done for the money, but I’ve made a great living doing the things I want to do.
BEN ELTON

Done Made Want
You didn’t wake up, your dreams just changed gear.
BEN ELTON

Dream Gears Wake Up

I think trying to be cool is the worst possible ambition – and I have never suffered from it.

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I think trying to be cool is the worst possible ambition – and I have never suffered from it.

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