There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
AMBROSE BIERCEThere are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
AMBROSE BIERCEWomen of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
AMBROSE BIERCESelfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
AMBROSE BIERCEYear: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
AMBROSE BIERCEConservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
AMBROSE BIERCESpeak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCEMad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCESweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCEResponsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
AMBROSE BIERCEConsul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
AMBROSE BIERCEYou don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCELIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
AMBROSE BIERCEA wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
AMBROSE BIERCEPhilosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCEQuotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCEElectricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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