Here I sit, alone at 60, Bald and fat and full of sin Cold the seat, and loud the cistern As I read the (Harpic) (Lysol) tin
ALAN BENNETTI can walk. It’s just that I’m so rich I don’t need to.
More Alan Bennett Quotes
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History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind with the bucket.
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Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall.
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I saw someone peeing in Jermym Street the other day. I thought, is this the end of civilization as we know it? Or is it simply someone peeing in Jermyn Street?
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Kafka could never have written as he did had he lived in a house.
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God doesn’t do notes, either. Did Jesus Christ say, “Can I be excused the Crucifixion?” No!
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Over the years Miss Shepherd was visited by a succession of social workers so the character in the play is a composite figure.
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I turned down a knighthood. It would be like having to wear a suit every day of your life.
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However bad the weather, Dad never drove to church because Mam thought the sacrament might make him incapable on the return journey.
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[B]riefing is not reading. In fact it is the antithesis of reading. Briefing is terse, factual and to the point.
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I’m all in favour of free expression provided it’s kept rigidly under control.
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Our father the novelist; my husband the poet. He belongs to the ages – just don’t catch him at breakfast.
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Children always assume the sexual lives of their parents come to a grinding halt at their conception.
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We were put to Dickens as children but it never quite took. That unremitting humanity soon had me cheesed off.
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The longer I practise medicine, the more convinced I am there are only two types of cases: those that involve taking the trousers off and those that don’t.
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You always know when you’re going to arrive. If you go by car, you don’t. Apart from anything else, I prefer cycling. It puts you in a good mood, I find.
ALAN BENNETT