Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!
AL FRANKENMinnesotans know the difference between the job of satirist and the job of senator. And so do I.
More Al Franken Quotes
-
-
I’m a bit of a shill for the Clinton Administration, which has its perks. I’m invited to all the inaugural balls.
AL FRANKEN -
Changing technologies, changing marketplaces, and even changing trends in anti-competitive practices have all presented challenges to antitrust enforcement.
AL FRANKEN -
It was hard for him to project who he is, the person people know in private.
AL FRANKEN -
When I first started writing for television in the seventies and eighties, the Internet didn’t exist.
AL FRANKEN -
Sometimes if I tell people, ‘I’m afraid that I’m really a fraud,’ or ‘I have a lot of self-doubt,’ they go.
AL FRANKEN -
If we have George W. Bush as president, we’re going to go back to the kind of policies we had when his father and Ronald Reagan were president.
AL FRANKEN -
Too many people don’t protect their smartphones with a password or PIN.
AL FRANKEN -
One thing I’ve noticed about politics is that these guys have pretty thick hides.
AL FRANKEN -
Net neutrality has been in place since the very beginning of the Internet.
AL FRANKEN -
During the Reagan Administration, Bob Dole was present at a ceremony that included each living ex-president.
AL FRANKEN -
Teen pregnancy went way down in the ’90s, and 75 percent of it was because of increased use of contraception.
AL FRANKEN -
People lucky enough to live in the vicinity of an industrial hog farm are, with each breath, made keenly aware of the cause of their declining property values.
AL FRANKEN -
I might think they use a little bit too much oil; some people might think it’s a little dry. But the problem with al Qaeda is they want to kill us.
AL FRANKEN -
My dad never graduated high school. He was a printing salesman.
AL FRANKEN -
We lived in a two-bedroom, one-bath house in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. We weren’t rich – but we felt secure.
AL FRANKEN