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No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.

Aisha Tyler

Every ethnic group has this where people within it will try and tell each other how they should be.
AISHA TYLER

Each Embrace Ethnic Group Other People Teach Tell Trying
I’m such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.
AISHA TYLER

Always Geek Nerd Real Such
Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
AISHA TYLER

Experience Human Make Scar Tough Turn Wound
My parents were vegetarians. I’d show up at school, this giant black kid, with none of the cool clothes and a tofu sandwich and celery sticks.
AISHA TYLER

Cloth Kids Parent School Stick Vegetarian
I like the company of guys. I have a lot of good girlfriends that I really love, but you know, most of my close friends are men.
AISHA TYLER

Close Company Different Girlfriend Guy Love Men Most Way
I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
AISHA TYLER

Country Dehydrate Grade Green Most Seventh Smelling Spent Summer
When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery.
AISHA TYLER

Cell Doing Funny Girlfriend Phone Quick Radio Spot Stranger Undone
I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
AISHA TYLER

Fail Hate Husband Love Think Want
I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.
AISHA TYLER

Being Fiber Fighting Gym Hit Need Sad Sadly Softie
Omnipresence can be a good or bad thing, I suppose. I don’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I’m super-grateful.
AISHA TYLER

Bad Good Grateful Omnipresence Suppose Thing Thinking Want
I’m black, and black don’t crack. It does droop.
AISHA TYLER

Black Crack Doe Droop
Whereas regular people tend to run away – because the embarrassing story is always going to be the really funny story.
AISHA TYLER

Always Away Funny Going People Regular Run Story
Successful people just don’t let failure define them or keep them from doing what they want to do. For example, I’d have people come up to me after my shows, and they’d say they want to do stand-up but are scared they’re going to fail. I’d tell them,
AISHA TYLER

Define Doing Example Failure Keep People Scare Show Fall Successful Want
The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.
AISHA TYLER

Advice Again Anybody Best Get Given Over
I was not one of those people who wanted to be a comedian when I was growing up. I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living.
AISHA TYLER

College Comedian Growing Kid Loving People Up Wanted
So what I would say to other people is to just embrace who you are because you will become instantly happier.
AISHA TYLER

Embrace Happier Instant Other People Say

No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.

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No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.

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Popular Authors

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