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No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.

Aisha Tyler

I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.
AISHA TYLER

Actually Almost Down Lying More Myself Satisfying
Much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China.
AISHA TYLER

Blame Else God Human Immediate Look Much Parent Politician Resource Someone Toddler
Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
AISHA TYLER

Experience Human Make Scar Tough Turn Wound
Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.
AISHA TYLER

Battle Easy Fought Goal Hard Motivational Sacrifice Worth
Pop culture is great, but it can be bad, at times.
AISHA TYLER

Bad Culture Great Pop Time
When I get old and slow down I want to look behind me and see all the fire and the wreckage and no stone left unturned.
AISHA TYLER

Behind Fire Look Old Slow Sown Stone Want
You know, it’s about getting out there and having a good time. Not about worrying .
AISHA TYLER

Book Getting Good Having Shoe Time Women Worry
I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
AISHA TYLER

Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning
When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery.
AISHA TYLER

Cell Doing Funny Girlfriend Phone Quick Radio Spot Stranger Undone
I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
AISHA TYLER

Fail Hate Husband Love Think Want
I don’t know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things.
AISHA TYLER

Always Embarrassing Open People Person Running Specially Thing Thinking Toward
I’m sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.
AISHA TYLER

All Childhood Level Low Scurvy Sure
I want everyone, regardless of gender, to live a life free of restriction or fear, able to pursue their own personal brand of happiness and fulfillment.
AISHA TYLER

Battle Brand Easy Fought Fulfillment Goal Matter One Personal Really Sacrifice Worth
I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
AISHA TYLER

Country Fiction Fit Love Need Order Raise Science Standard Vegetarian
I thought I was gonna be an attorney, so I went to Dartmouth and I was a government major and I minored in environmental policy, and I didn’t do anything academically around the arts.
AISHA TYLER

Anything Art Attorney Environmental Government Major Minored Policy Thought
I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.
AISHA TYLER

Glamorous Stand Tell Up

No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.

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No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.

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