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No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
AISHA TYLER

Country Fiction Fit Love Need Order Raise Science Standard Vegetarian
So I think the longer you do stand-up, the more comfortable you are. You stop wanting to hide your foibles and instead want to show who you are.
AISHA TYLER

Comfortable Foibe Hide Instead Longer Show Stand Think Up Wanting
“Trust me, you don’t want to have to actually interact with these people.”
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Actual Interact Me People Trust
So everything is all the same job in my eyes, and I don’t want to ever give up any part of it.
AISHA TYLER

Ever Everything Give Job Part Same Want
the freedom to live a life free of fear of violence, to select a fulfilling career and be compensated fairly, to choose when to start a family, to marry whom you love.
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Brand Carrer Compensate Everyone Family Free Freedom Life Live Marry Personal Start
Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
AISHA TYLER

Experience Human Make Scar Tough Turn Wound
I’ve always been a gamer, and I had a period where I was gaming at a really hardcore level.
AISHA TYLER

Always Game Gamer Hardcore Level Period
I’m sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.
AISHA TYLER

All Childhood Level Low Scurvy Sure
I wish I could say I’m an architect and planned it this way, foresaw doing all these things, but honestly, I’ve been lucky that things have come across my path and they’ve worked out well for me.
AISHA TYLER

Across Almost Architect Come Foresaw Honesty Lucy Out Path Plan Pressure Well
Much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China.
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Blame Else God Human Immediate Look Much Parent Politician Resource Someone Toddler
If you ever needed to ruin someone’s fun, I mean really poop a party, just move things to the workplace. Fun terminated.
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Move Need Poop Ruin Someone Terminate Thing Workplace
I’m such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.
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Always Geek Nerd Real Such
I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney.
AISHA TYLER

Actually Attorney Comedy Living Something Wanted
I actually wanted to be an attorney. I did do things on the side like improv and sketch comedy, but law was my focus. I was a very bookish, academic kid. When I got out of college,
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Academic Actually Attorney Bookish College Comedy Focus Improv Kid Law Sketch Thing Want
I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
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Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning
I want to point out, that this is not my fault that everyone’s afraid of me, because I did not kill a couple people the other day.
AISHA TYLER

Afraid Couple Day Everyone Fault Kill Other People Point Want

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