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I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.

Aisha Tyler

All these young books for women are like I’m 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can’t get a date. Come on.
AISHA TYLER

All Book Closet Come Date Like Prada Shoe Women Young
I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.
AISHA TYLER

Actually Almost Down Lying More Myself Satisfying
Much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China.
AISHA TYLER

Blame Else God Human Immediate Look Much Parent Politician Resource Someone Toddler
I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.
AISHA TYLER

Friend Hope Kindest Little Own Probably Supportive
Pop culture hales you and wants you to fail.
AISHA TYLER

Culture Failing Fall Pop Want
I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
AISHA TYLER

Country Dehydrate Grade Green Most Seventh Smelling Spent Summer
Pop culture is great, but it can be bad, at times.
AISHA TYLER

Bad Culture Great Pop Time
I’m just going to be the best version of me that I could possibly be and be as funny as I possibly can.
AISHA TYLER

Being Best Find Funny Going People Possibly Version
I wish I could say I’m an architect and planned it this way, foresaw doing all these things, but honestly, I’ve been lucky that things have come across my path and they’ve worked out well for me.
AISHA TYLER

Across Almost Architect Come Foresaw Honesty Lucy Out Path Plan Pressure Well
I like grown up comedy.
AISHA TYLER

Comedy Grown Like Up
When I get old and slow down I want to look behind me and see all the fire and the wreckage and no stone left unturned.
AISHA TYLER

Behind Fire Look Old Slow Sown Stone Want
I will say that stand-up is my first love; it’s how I got started and is in my bones.
AISHA TYLER

Bone First How Love Say Stand Started Up
I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
AISHA TYLER

Fail Hate Husband Love Think Want
Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.
AISHA TYLER

Again Bucket Drool Fave Heard Rivulet Running Toddler Wall Watery
I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
AISHA TYLER

Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning
Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don’t think so.
AISHA TYLER

Complain Going Smart Think Typecast

I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.

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I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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