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I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.

Aisha Tyler

I’m my own boss and my boss is a total ass.
AISHA TYLER

Ass Boss My Own Total
After going through a lot of procedures and spending a lot of money … the doctor said, ‘Look, based on what we’re seeing here, I just don’t think this is going to happen for you.’
AISHA TYLER

Based Doctors Going Happen Look Procedure Spending Thinking
You know, it’s about getting out there and having a good time. Not about worrying .
AISHA TYLER

Book Getting Good Having Shoe Time Women Worry
My parents were vegetarians. I’d show up at school, this giant black kid, with none of the cool clothes and a tofu sandwich and celery sticks.
AISHA TYLER

Cloth Kids Parent School Stick Vegetarian
I like to be nice. I want to be a hero. I want to save people. Or just kill zombies, because they deserve it, because they’re already dead and they can’t feel it. They don’t have feelings.
AISHA TYLER

Deserve Hero Kill Nice People Save Zombie
Every ethnic group has this where people within it will try and tell each other how they should be.
AISHA TYLER

Each Embrace Ethnic Group Other People Teach Tell Trying
I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
AISHA TYLER

Country Fiction Fit Love Need Order Raise Science Standard Vegetarian
I grew up on the back of a motorcycle – my dad didn’t have a car until I was a teenager. And then my closest friend from grade school was a guy.
AISHA TYLER

Back Car Dad Grade Motorcycle School Teenager
The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.
AISHA TYLER

Advice Again Anybody Best Get Given Over
“Trust me, you don’t want to have to actually interact with these people.”
AISHA TYLER

Actual Interact Me People Trust
So I think the longer you do stand-up, the more comfortable you are. You stop wanting to hide your foibles and instead want to show who you are.
AISHA TYLER

Comfortable Foibe Hide Instead Longer Show Stand Think Up Wanting
It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon.
AISHA TYLER

Apparently Day Desk Drink Fluorescent Frown Generally Hard Last Lighting Upon
I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.
AISHA TYLER

Different Good Grown Spoken Time Trying Up Want Way
I’m black, and black don’t crack. It does droop.
AISHA TYLER

Black Crack Doe Droop
All these young books for women are like I’m 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can’t get a date. Come on.
AISHA TYLER

All Book Closet Come Date Like Prada Shoe Women Young
They always say some women like to fix people. I don’t like to fix people, but you like a challenge.
AISHA TYLER

Always Challenge Fix People Some Women

I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.

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I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.

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Popular Authors

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