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I actually wanted to be an attorney. I did do things on the side like improv and sketch comedy, but law was my focus. I was a very bookish, academic kid. When I got out of college,

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
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The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.
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Advice Again Anybody Best Get Given Over
TV always wants more people to be watching.
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So much of a stand-up’s life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.
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I like grown up comedy.
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I like to be nice. I want to be a hero. I want to save people. Or just kill zombies, because they deserve it, because they’re already dead and they can’t feel it. They don’t have feelings.
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I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I’d still have plenty of other things to do.
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Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.
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I have one girlfriend who is dating right now – she’s divorced – and she’s on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that’s not a real game, but it’s my favorite thing to do.
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Dating Divorce Favorite Game Girlfriend Now Play Real Right Tinder
Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don’t think so.
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Comedy is ugly. It’s honest, it’s raw.
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Comedy Honest Raw Ugly
Karaoke is the great equalizer.
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Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
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Experience Human Make Scar Tough Turn Wound
I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.
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Every ethnic group has this where people within it will try and tell each other how they should be.
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I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
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Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning

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