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I actually wanted to be an attorney. I did do things on the side like improv and sketch comedy, but law was my focus. I was a very bookish, academic kid. When I got out of college,

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I’m just myself, so I don’t know that I think of myself as a nerd icon.
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Icon Know Myself Nerd Thinking
But I love stand-up, and it’s where I came from creatively, so it’s something I never want to walk away from.
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Away Creativity Something Stand Up Walk Want
I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
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Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning
I’m my own boss and my boss is a total ass.
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Ass Boss My Own Total
So I think the longer you do stand-up, the more comfortable you are. You stop wanting to hide your foibles and instead want to show who you are.
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Comfortable Foibe Hide Instead Longer Show Stand Think Up Wanting
I like to be nice. I want to be a hero. I want to save people. Or just kill zombies, because they deserve it, because they’re already dead and they can’t feel it. They don’t have feelings.
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Deserve Hero Kill Nice People Save Zombie
If you ever needed to ruin someone’s fun, I mean really poop a party, just move things to the workplace. Fun terminated.
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Move Need Poop Ruin Someone Terminate Thing Workplace
I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney.
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Actually Attorney Comedy Living Something Wanted
I wish I could say I’m an architect and planned it this way, foresaw doing all these things, but honestly, I’ve been lucky that things have come across my path and they’ve worked out well for me.
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Across Almost Architect Come Foresaw Honesty Lucy Out Path Plan Pressure Well
I’m sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.
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All Childhood Level Low Scurvy Sure
I don’t want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.
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Pander Time Trying Want
So much of a stand-up’s life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.
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Doing Funny Life Live Minute Much Quick Radio Sou Spot Stand Stranger Surgical Three
It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon.
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Apparently Day Desk Drink Fluorescent Frown Generally Hard Last Lighting Upon
“Trust me, you don’t want to have to actually interact with these people.”
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Actual Interact Me People Trust
I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.
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I really do know football.
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Do Football Know Really

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