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I actually wanted to be an attorney. I did do things on the side like improv and sketch comedy, but law was my focus. I was a very bookish, academic kid. When I got out of college,

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
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Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning
I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.
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Different Good Grown Spoken Time Trying Up Want Way
I was really unhappy. I had a great job that I should have loved, yet I was miserable. I slowly realized that was because I wasn’t performing. So I just tried stand-up and fell in love with it after one performance.
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Fell Job Love Miserable One Performing Realize Slowly Stand Unhappy
I really do know football.
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Do Football Know Really
I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.
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Friend Hope Kindest Little Own Probably Supportive
Comedy is ugly. It’s honest, it’s raw.
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Comedy Honest Raw Ugly
It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon.
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Apparently Day Desk Drink Fluorescent Frown Generally Hard Last Lighting Upon
So much of a stand-up’s life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.
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Doing Funny Life Live Minute Much Quick Radio Sou Spot Stand Stranger Surgical Three
I don’t want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.
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Pander Time Trying Want
I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
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Country Fiction Fit Love Need Order Raise Science Standard Vegetarian
I don’t want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.
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Pander So Try Want
I’m sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.
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All Childhood Level Low Scurvy Sure
I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.
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Almost Challengee Done Happiest Lucky Much Overwhelmed Pressure Under Wish
Every ethnic group has this where people within it will try and tell each other how they should be.
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Each Embrace Ethnic Group Other People Teach Tell Trying
Whereas regular people tend to run away – because the embarrassing story is always going to be the really funny story.
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Always Away Funny Going People Regular Run Story
You just have to keep getting up’. And I look back and they were right. They were all right.
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Back Getting Keep Look Right Up

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