“In one day, I have times where I’m feeling great, I feel like I love my life, and then 2:30 rolls around and I’m the angriest man alive. My wife sees it.”

Girls are soft and pretty.

I really do enjoy making movies and I try to test myself on occasion with some different stuff.

A lot of critics object to what I do, but I got into comedy to make people laugh, and I’ve always worked hard.

I can’t run a company… I can’t even run my own life!

Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.

I never had a speech from my father ‘this is what you must do or shouldn’t do’ but I just learned to be led by example. My father wasn’t perfect.

I think I’m playing grown up because I have kids now. But I don’t feel grown up yet.

My kids don’t have a trust fund, they have a debt fund. And when I die, they’re $4 million in the hole.

I don’t know what drives me to succeed. I know I want to always do the best I can.I guess I was maybe in little league baseball as far as I wanted to be good at that. But school, I certainly wasn’t the best at that.

Mama says that, happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you’re feeling blue.

I’ve always wanted to do a family movie.

I say things, like every other parent, that reminds you of your own parents. One thing I do know about being a parent, you understand why your father was in a bad mood a lot.

My buddies, we’ve always just tried to make each other laugh. I mean, just like all friends hanging out – that’s the goal.

When I do stand-up shows at colleges, girls will talk to me after the show, and that always feels good. I like talking to them.

Comedy, such a lovely lady, she’ll pick you up, you your feeling blue.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink. Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.

Women make the world beautiful, they protect it and keep it alive.

Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.

Sometimes at night I would sleep open-eyed underneath a sky dripping with stars. I was alive then.

Love taught me to stay alive in the battle of life.

Because you are alive, everything is possible.

I’m happy to be alive, I’m happy to be who I am.

I want to stay hopeful, even though I get scared about why we’re even alive at all.