“I’ve been punched by a vampire, an Indian girl, and a panda… I should be a video game.”

Doug stiffened. Jay sounded crazy. Doug tried looking extra sane to even things out.

They can’t expect anyone to actually pay for a shirt that says, ‘I (picture of an elephant) the San Diego Zoo.’ What does that even mean?

We found the bathrooms, which were labeled ‘Aliens’ and ‘Femaliens.’ ‘Finally,’ I said to J.Lo. ‘Here’s a bathroom you’re allowed to use.

You can do terrible things when you don’t know who you are.

What part of Canada are you from, honey?” “THE LEFT PART,” said Jay.

…Almost everything inside was filled with sugar, cheese, and weight-loss tips.

J.Lo’ in written English only has three letters, and you still spelled it ‘M-smiley face-pound sign.

The Boov frowned. ‘Everybodies always is wanting to make a clone for to doing their work.

Then it suddenly and theatrically began to clean itself in the way cats do when they want you to know what a big deal you aren’t.

Get off of the car,’ J.Lo huffed. ‘I am an English superstar.’ Uh-uh. There’s no comparison. ‘

YOU have no room to laugh, that’s all. I’m not doing any worse with Boovish than you did with English.’

Can I see some ID?” “WE DON’T HAVE ID,” said Jay, loudly. “‘CAUSE WE’RE CANADIAN. WE DON’T USE ID…THERE. AND THAT’S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. ‘CAUSE WE’RE CANADIAN.”

Wherefor are you knowing it? If you stacked all of the Gorg in the galaxy on top of eachother, the Gorg would kill you.

I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with … G.” “Sausages.

[J.Lo] found us a police car. Sort of. ‘It’s not a police car,’ I said. ‘It is,’ said J.Lo. ‘Looknow. Lights for flashing.’ ‘That’s true.’ ‘Writing on the sides.’ ‘Yeah, but the writing? It says ”BullShake Party Patrol.” Yes. Whatnow?

Magic likes a good tragedy, too.

It was the late Dr. Mahendra Lal Sircar who, by founding the Indian Association for the Cultivation of Science, made it possible for the scientific aspirations of my early years to continue burning brightly.

I’m very proud to be the first winner of the Indian Grand Prix, but then on the other hand we recently lost two of our mates.

Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.

I asked these Indians: “Do men ever make Chicha?” My question was met with gales of laughter. The women howled. Bent over in hilarity, one replied, “Men can’t brew. Chicha made by men would only make gas in the belly.

Ten years ago, it would have been impossible to imagine a Cockney singing group with a Southern Negro style and Indian and electronic music.

Via the squares on the chessboard, the Indians explain the movement of time and the age.

We owe an historic debt to American Indians. They have a unique set of concerns that haven’t been addressed and I’d like to stand with them. Also, I’d like to get their views on immigration.

The monsoon is such a dominant part of Indian life that it is hard to overstate its importance.