I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
ADAM FERRARAThere were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
ADAM FERRARA -
As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
ADAM FERRARA -
My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
ADAM FERRARA -
Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
ADAM FERRARA -
I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
ADAM FERRARA -
I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
ADAM FERRARA -
If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
ADAM FERRARA -
The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
ADAM FERRARA -
You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
ADAM FERRARA -
If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
ADAM FERRARA -
I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
ADAM FERRARA -
I love my girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It’s a gift.
ADAM FERRARA -
Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
ADAM FERRARA -
I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
ADAM FERRARA -
My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
ADAM FERRARA