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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’

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Alright Animal Dating Dinner Funny Go Kingdom Movie No Quick Sniff

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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Friend Funny Humor Important Need Sex Story Tell
Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
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Ask Day Friend Funny Girl Humor Life Man One Relationship Time
I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
ADAM FERRARA

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I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
ADAM FERRARA

Believe Different Distance God Long Question Religious
I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
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Basically Catholic Feel Funny Good Humor Religion Religious Stop
Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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Bed Feel Forever Go Like Soul
The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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Celebrate Celebration Day Earth Easter Egg Favorite Funny Holiday Jesus Rabit
I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
ADAM FERRARA

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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
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What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
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Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
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Disaapering Got Hidden House Keep Napkin Ring Spoon Start

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