I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
ADAM FERRARAI talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It’s a special day in a man’s life. I was like, ‘Oh, I found me a hobby.’
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
ADAM FERRARA -
I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
ADAM FERRARA -
The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
ADAM FERRARA -
What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
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I love my girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It’s a gift.
ADAM FERRARA -
Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
ADAM FERRARA -
I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
ADAM FERRARA -
You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
ADAM FERRARA -
If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
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I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
ADAM FERRARA -
I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
ADAM FERRARA -
Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
ADAM FERRARA