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As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’

Adam Ferrara

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
ADAM FERRARA

Celebrate Celebration Day Earth Easter Egg Favorite Funny Holiday Jesus Rabit
I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
ADAM FERRARA

Believe Different Distance God Long Question Religious
I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
ADAM FERRARA

Cause Face Food Funny Humor Hungry Lot Talk Women
Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
ADAM FERRARA

Bed Feel Forever Go Like Soul
I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
ADAM FERRARA

Every Funny Hour Humor Like Magazine Man Three
My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
ADAM FERRARA

Car Dad Guy Money Spend Trust Vehicle Wanted Working
I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
ADAM FERRARA

Bathroom Funny Humor. Trying Make Nice Night Now Thing Use
If you’re in California and it’s raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
ADAM FERRARA

Country Drive Home Nobody Rain Raining Stay
My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
ADAM FERRARA

Chicken Father Funny Kiss Once Room Sex Talk Walked You
The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
ADAM FERRARA

Beautiful Caulk Funny Girl Hollywood Silicon Sink
I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
ADAM FERRARA

Ability Car Father Job Light Mechanical Pretty Used Work
Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Happiness Happy Humor Important Ladies Touch
My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, ‘Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man’s under the bed!’ Pop opens one eye, he’s like, ‘Is the boogie man bigger than me?’ ‘
ADAM FERRARA

Bedroom Big Daddy Huge Man Pop Running
Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
ADAM FERRARA

Ask Day Friend Funny Girl Humor Life Man One Relationship Time
I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Humor Meet Mial Order Perfect Think Thinking Woman
I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
ADAM FERRARA

Arrogance Civilization Demise Human Thinking

As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’

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As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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