I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
BO BURNHAMIf Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.
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I feel more like I’m doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.
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I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.
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If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
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I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.
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All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
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There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
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I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I’ve enjoyed watching.
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I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
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If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.
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When life gets you down, make a comforter!
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And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
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I don’t like calling myself a “feminist” only because I don’t think I’ve done anything active enough to call myself one. It’d be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I’m not racist.
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I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don’t have a great ear. It’s like a tragedy – I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.
BO BURNHAM






