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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.

Billy Connolly

Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
BILLY CONNOLLY

Balls Enough Father Shout
When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Acting Hell Real
I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Laughing Pose Say Years
There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Adventure Being Happy Running
I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Huge Love Simply Thinking You
Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arches Audience People
Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Humor Mother
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Kilts Looks Mcdonalds Quater
I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Friendship Glasgow Hands Suits
Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, “Did you fall?” He said, “No, I’m tryin’ to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.”
BILLY CONNOLLY

Chocolate Fall Pocket
I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Breaking Girl Heart Thinking Worse
Don’t work out, work in.
BILLY CONNOLLY

never Out Work
For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Animal Desire Winning
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Blow Make Think Thinking Useless
The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Needs People Round Swings Thinking
I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arms Loathed People Singing Single

I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.

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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.

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