I got a safe full of cherries ’cause I pop it and lock it.
BO BURNHAMI remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, ‘Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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I’d really love to make something that doesn’t involve my stupid face.
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I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in – and I never went.
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I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
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I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer
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And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
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I don’t want to try to recreate for no reason. Like, me in my bedroom, singing songs to a camera was a special thing that was at that time in my life. But I’m just not that kid. I like the format of it, but I want to be able to release things for free.
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For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.
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Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it’s really fun to do and Oprah’s on it.
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I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.
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If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.
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If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
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If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.
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There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
BO BURNHAM