People often ask me where I stand politically. It’s not that I disagree with Bush’s economic policy or his foreign policy, it’s that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
BILL HICKSYou know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I’m not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that’s the connection they’re trying to make.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.
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That’s why I always recommend a psychedelic experience because it makes you realize that all you’ve learned is in fact just learned and not necessarily the truth.
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not all drugs are good.. some of them are great
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The role of the comedian is to say ‘Wait a minute’ when a consensus starts to form.
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Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day.” Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
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In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth… see you at the final.
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Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here’s my message: as scary as the world is – and it is – it is merely a ride …
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Don’t worry; don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.
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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
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Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that’s why you giggle the first hour.
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
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A Christian will say… “I believe God created me in one day” Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.
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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
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I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day.
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Marijuana grows naturally…Don’t you think making nature against the law seems a bit, I don’t know, unnatural?
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Isn’t that weird, we’ve made nature against the law. That’s how un-natural we’ve become.
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I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
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What does an atheist scream when they come?
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It’s not a war on drugs, it’s a war on personal freedom.
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I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.
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To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.
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I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say ‘Yeah? When?’
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Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
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It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.
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…I just want to be free of the fears and anxieties and the superstitions of religion. An ‘avenging GOD’? One who created Hell for those who don’t believe?
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I love talking about Kennedy assassination…a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government…sorry, wrong meeting.
BILL HICKS