Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Don’t work out, work in.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
BILLY CONNOLLY