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Try to live in a place you like.

Billy Connolly

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Someone Waitin Witty
A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Balanced Drink Hands Wells
Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Humor Mother
It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Change Mind Often Reserve
Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Anthem Boring Country Funny Humor
I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Algebra Funny Humor Likely never
There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Seasons Travel Winter
I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Crosses Malfunction
When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Accident Alright Funny Humor Thanks
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Funny Humorous Witty
I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Dog Doors Independent Stuff
Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Children Nice Wife
I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Big Fan Fans Home Rottweilers
If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Havens Heard Rumours
I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
BILLY CONNOLLY

Adelaide Air Fly Pointed
Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Fraudulence People Pomposity Sometimes Thinking Water

Try to live in a place you like.

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Try to live in a place you like.

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