I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
BILL BAILEYI’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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This shed does not contain me.
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
BILL BAILEY