“A testimony is a testimony, and it should be respected, whether it is small or large.”

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

Golf’s really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. … I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.

I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.

I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.

The past has to be remembered, so that it’s never repeated.

Nothing in the nature around us is evil. This needs to be repeated since one of the human ways of talking oneself into inhuman acts is to cite the supposed cruelty of nature.

My use of evenly repeated dots and diagonal lines and uninflected color areas suggest that my work is right where it is, right on the canvas, definitely not a window into the world.

It is this refrain that we hear repeated by everyone: you are not at home, this is not a sanatorium, the only exit is by way of the Chimney. (What did it mean? Soon we were all to learn what it meant.)

He illustrated by saying he believed the world was created in six 24-hour days. And he repeated this to make an impression upon us.

And there’s nothing like the feeling of perfection that will inspire repeated behavior.

Obama repeatedly has condemned Hamas as a terrorist organization that should be isolated until it renounces violence and recognizes Israel.