People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
BILLY CONNOLLYDon’t work out, work in.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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If you give people a chance, they shine.
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
BILLY CONNOLLY