My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
BILLY CONNOLLYDon’t work out, work in.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back, your life changes every day.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
BILLY CONNOLLY