“All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.”

I’m happy with what I’m doing. I try not to focus on how I’ve changed. I just try to focus on what I’m doing now.

People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.

I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.

I’m friends with a lot of comedians, but we don’t talk about material. Most comedians I know don’t watch a lot of other comedy.

Postmodern comedy doesn’t work well with very old audiences, because it’s making fun of the comedy they enjoy.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.

I don’t want to try to recreate for no reason. Like, me in my bedroom, singing songs to a camera was a special thing that was at that time in my life. But I’m just not that kid. I like the format of it, but I want to be able to release things for free.

The world doesn’t need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers – the world needs more you. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I’ve enjoyed watching.

There’s a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that’s a bit blurred in my mind.

The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.

Poverty. Racism. Isn’t it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone’s watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.

Because I see that as a crutch sometimes and I want to know that I can do something funny and worthwhile without that. And also make a show that my parents would like and that kids could watch with their parents.

They must have some special kind of cereal!’ My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.