I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
BO BURNHAMAll you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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Because I see that as a crutch sometimes and I want to know that I can do something funny and worthwhile without that. And also make a show that my parents would like and that kids could watch with their parents.
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There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
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I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.
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At the time of ‘Words, Words, Words,’ I’m a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he’s entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that’s inherently a little bit ridiculous.
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Laughter is the best medicine, y’know, besides medicine.
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I’m friends with a lot of comedians, but we don’t talk about material. Most comedians I know don’t watch a lot of other comedy.
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Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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When life gets you down, make a comforter!
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Love is all about… whistles.
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Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.
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I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I’ve enjoyed watching.
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I just think they aren’t true. I’m saying that our generation wants stuff that is substantial and challenging, as well as thoughtful and endearing. Well, I don’t know if I’m doing that, but I’m trying.
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I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, ‘Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast.
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In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.
BO BURNHAM







