“Everyone I love I pay.”

I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.

I have no agenda, nothing to control.

In the creative sense, I’m looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.

Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.

It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.

Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.

If you’re a host of a video show and you’re on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, ‘Well, that’s what that person does.’ That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.

I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.

Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.

I’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

My haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.

I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don’t want to make fun of people.

I have a feeling I’m going to wake up one day and say ‘I can’t do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.’ I’ll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they’re really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I’m not laughing.

Not everyone wants to live forever, but every culture has always desired immortality in one way or another.

Things flow better and everyone is in a better mood because they’re like, ‘I got my point across and it sounds like I want it to sound’

You get so used to doing it that you start to believe it’s simply what everyone does. It makes for an atmosphere of unwelcome that penetrates much of our modern life.

Focus on the long term, and always do what’s right to grow the company and not make short-term decisions. And outlast everyone one.

Everyone wouldn’t have been massacred.. Who says middle management is useless?

Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.

Any time you end a relationship, and everyone has ended plenty in their life, it’s always a tough thing and hard to get over.

Directors are like generals, political dictators, aggressive people…And everyone in the film is always grateful if you can tell them what to do.