Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
BOB SAGETEveryone I love I pay.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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Bob Saget was known, in the comedy clubs in those days, as extremely funny but with dark humor. It was always an inside joke among comics, when he got Full House, it was, like, wow, hes playing this all-American dad kind of thing.
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If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
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It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.
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What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone’s ringing a lot more and I’ve got nine lines so when it doesn’t ring, it’s very frustrating.
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Everyone I love I pay.
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A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!
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I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn’t get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn’t join a biker club.
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Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person.
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I don’t feel like I’m with you. And I say, You know what? That was your mother’s gripe, too. And she was right. And you’re also correct. When you cop to something, you get to the next level. In this case, the next level is: I just learned something from my twelve-year-old.
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The secret to raising children is to love them… And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.
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That was not Bob Saget. His comedic style is definitely more twisted, and he has an edgier side than he showed in Full House.
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Concerned we’re in a time where politicians can’t even fake sincerity. Aren’t they supposed to be good at that?
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People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.
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Valuable people are undervalued.
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I wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.
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Kindness isn’t just a virtue, its a necessity.
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In the creative sense, I’m looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.
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It’s okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
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I’m fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.
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My favorite Dylan song? I think it’s ‘Just Like a Woman.’ It always makes me cry.
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I have a feeling I’m going to wake up one day and say ‘I can’t do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.’ I’ll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.
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My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.
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I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
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All I’ve ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.
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I like to approach every day like it’s my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
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Yet there are some people – Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he’s a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I’m doing it right now and you all seem bored.
BOB SAGET