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I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.

Bo Burnham

I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I’ve enjoyed watching.
BO BURNHAM

Add Thinking Trying
If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
BO BURNHAM

Jesus Land Water
Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.
BO BURNHAM

Bible Jesus Kindness
What’s a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy
BO BURNHAM

Creative Funny Humor Life
How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I’ve got a cousin who is 18… Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.
BO BURNHAM

Believe Cousin Gay
I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.
BO BURNHAM

Favors Littles Thinking
People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.
BO BURNHAM

Geneticist Giving People Real
Quotes are for dumb people who can’t think of something intelligent to say on their own.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Intelligent
If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.
BO BURNHAM

Laughing Thinking Worst Time
The average person has one Fallopian tube.
BO BURNHAM

Average Person Tube
I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
BO BURNHAM

Donkey Funny Giants Humor
Where are all the sour patch parents?
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Parent
In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.
BO BURNHAM

Beautiful Distance Funny
Laughter is the best medicine, y’know, besides medicine.
BO BURNHAM

Best Laughter Medicine
I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
BO BURNHAM

Dollars Long Pussy
My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that’s a lovely addition.
BO BURNHAM

Lovely People Trying

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.

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I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.

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Popular Authors

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