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I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.

Bo Burnham

When things [writing] are over, I always think, ‘well, I’m never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I’m going to go be a farmer’. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won’t happen.
BO BURNHAM

Ideas Thinking Writing
I’m actually very open to having a conversation about what I should or shouldn’t say.
BO BURNHAM

Actually Conversation Open Say
I don’t like calling myself a “feminist” only because I don’t think I’ve done anything active enough to call myself one. It’d be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I’m not racist.
BO BURNHAM

Country Feminist People Rights Thinking
For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: ‘I’ll say anything, man!’. I’m not quite there yet.
BO BURNHAM

Comedians Men Say Anything
If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Guy Humor
I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.
BO BURNHAM

Comedy Inject Like Production
It’s not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage.
BO BURNHAM

Character Names Play
Where are all the sour patch parents?
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Parent
I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
BO BURNHAM

Donkey Funny Giants Humor
I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in – and I never went.
BO BURNHAM

College Dream Eight
My first concern is that when you go to a show, you should be present. It’s much more exciting to put the camera down and lose yourself in it.
BO BURNHAM

Camera Down And Firsts
The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.
BO BURNHAM

Firsts Forever Wikipedia
I’ve been doin’ drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
BO BURNHAM

Bullets Car Newspaper
At the time of ‘Words, Words, Words,’ I’m a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he’s entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that’s inherently a little bit ridiculous.
BO BURNHAM

Feelings Thinking Time Years
Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don’t.
BO BURNHAM

Comedy Funny Humor Women
When life gets you down, make a comforter!
BO BURNHAM

Comforter Funny Humor
If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
BO BURNHAM

Jesus Land Water
And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
BO BURNHAM

Country Funny Gay Humor Meet Time
I don’t try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.
BO BURNHAM

Simple Stuff Trying
I know it’s the comedian’s instinct to say, “Do it, man, nothing’s off-limits! It’s cool, bro!” I don’t know if that’s the answer for me.
BO BURNHAM

Fall Know Men Miscarriage
I feel more like I’m doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.
BO BURNHAM

Character Doing Feel Main
There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
BO BURNHAM

Country Funny Humor Long Met People
I’m not a grown up until everybody realises I’m a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.
BO BURNHAM

Dirty Grow Kids Song
I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer
BO BURNHAM

Deer Necks Saws
I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it’s totally not, which is why I’m trying to get away from it because it’s just easy and automatic.
BO BURNHAM

Controversial Thinking Trying
If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there’s a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.
BO BURNHAM

Comedy Facts People
I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Gay Humor Jesus

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.

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I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.

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Popular Authors

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