“It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.”

….All drugs should be legal. War is wrong. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. Thank you. I’ll be here all week.

Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.

How do I know the Bible isn’t the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand…considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!

I’m just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious.

Don’t look at the hole in the doughnut. Look at the whole doughnut.

I consider myself to be flawed, but I made it work. I’m not perfect. Anybody who thinks they are is whacked-out.

All day long you see those commercials: ‘Here’s Your Brain, Just Say No’…and the next commercial is: ‘This Bud’s For You.’

If we might be able to save this world, how can we walk away? Too many people around here have given up! Galloran said heroes sacrifice for causes; they do things that others hide from. I may not be some great hero, but I won’t hide from this. I would never live with myself.

Seeing ahead is fun. But pushing is very hard work.

Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything’s failing? It’s because, um – they’re no longer relevant. We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?

Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you.

We have to modernize how we make laws.

People say to me, Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves. Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?

I’m very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn’t possibly think of yourself… Good evening!

Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.

The war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney, its so obviously phoney, ok? It’s a war against our civil rights, that’s all it is. They’re using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get suspending our rights one by one.

The world values power, comfort, success, and recognition. Jesus frees us to value grief, sacrifice, weakness, and exclusion.

No one is too bad for Jesus. A lot of people think they are too good for Jesus.

The Bible says that our real problem is that every one of us is building our identity on something besides Jesus.

Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, Jesus himeself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil.

What you do today is shaped by what you believe about tomorrow.

The gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe.

…Singles, too, must see the penultimate status of marriage. If single Christians don’t develop a deeply fulfilling love relationship with Jesus, they will put too much pressure on their DREAM of marriage, and that will create pathology in their lives as well.

Jesus warns people far more often about greed than about sex, yet almost no one thinks they are guilty of it.