Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
BILLY CONNOLLYI set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
BILLY CONNOLLY