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I always came away thinking “I’d like to see her more,” you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought – Bette [Midler]. So we called her.

Billy Crystal

It’s money. I remember it from when I was single
BILLY CRYSTAL

Financial Funny Money
You really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Muscles Stage World
There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Kids Nice Thinking
I’m married – I’ve caught my limit.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Caught Limits Married
The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Ashes Friday Passion
I have 40-something intros [that Davis Jr. did]; all are different, none of them happened. And it was hilarious.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Different Happened Something
At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Bases Nightly Something
I never stopped believing in us and I never felt like I was wanting for anything, except for my father, and that was not going to be. I describe in the book [that] I don’t think I ever felt young again in that way.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Believe Book Father
When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Life Realizing Rest Want Your
There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do. Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Big Clothes Difference Mostly
I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Fifth Grade Growing Height
If you do something for the first time, you will always remember it. If your Dad has something to do with it, you write about it.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Dad Father Respect
When I’ve gotten criticism, it’s that it’s too long, too soft, didn’t hit the government hard enough. Then when I do hit the government, they go, What’s he doing hitting the government?
BILLY CRYSTAL

Criticism Government Long
Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Being Funny Sex Sexy Single
Bambi, to a kid, was scary.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedy Kids Scary
We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …
BILLY CRYSTAL

Audience Front Growing Men Self Used

I always came away thinking “I’d like to see her more,” you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought – Bette [Midler]. So we called her.

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I always came away thinking “I’d like to see her more,” you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought – Bette [Midler]. So we called her.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Billy Crystal Quotes