I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
BILLY CONNOLLYWhen you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
BILLY CONNOLLY